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Mar. 25th, 2005 @ 10:19 am paging [info]ohhh_will
*Russ calls by Will's dad's pub, and asks for Will. Will's not there, so Russ leaves a message with one of the bar staff, to say that he'll try again tomorrow.*
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Mar. 25th, 2005 @ 08:33 am TM week 2005-03-18
Current Mood: tense
The Scariest Moment

There have been many moments in which I have been afraid, but the time that I was most afraid, was when Morgoth and Ungoliant destroyed the Two Trees. I was out with my cousin when it happened, so I was not aware at the time that my grandfather Finwe had been murdered. To begin with the loss of light was so tiny and gradual that it was barely noticeable. After ten minutes, I could tell that something was wrong with the light. After twenty, it was pitch-black, except for what light came from the stars.

I had never seen the stars before. Always in Valinor, their light was obscured by the light of the Trees.

Findekano and I ran back to the house, people were panicking, running around blindly, screaming. They had lit torches, and my father was leading a group of people to the city square, a procession of fire and chanting. He gathered them together and began to speak to them, no, rant at them, and it was there I learned of my grandfather's murder, and of the actions of Morgoth and Ungoliant that had destroyed the Trees.

That which could not be destroyed, was gone. I had been born in the Years of the Trees, and I knew nothing else but their presence and light. How could it be possible that something could come here, and damage that? It was impossible. And yet it had happened.

I think what scared me the most though, was the look of madness in my father's eyes.

word-count: 256
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Mar. 13th, 2005 @ 12:13 am TM week 2005-03-11
Current Mood: depressed
What in your life are you the most dissatisfied with, and why?

He always leaves.

We may spend a joyous and peaceful summer together, riding the hills around Himring, followng the streams that dance down from the mountainsides. Or it may be a year of battle, he and I fighting side by side, our blades running with orcish blood. But he always leaves.

When the autumn leaves begin to turn as copper as my hair, he becomes restless. Inbetween long weeks of not speaking, we fight, the irresistable force meeting the immovable object, an even match of stubborn pride. He says he loves me, but as he rides away towards Hithlum, my heart is filled with doubt and sadness. Suppose one day he leaves, and does not come back?

In all the ages of Tree or Sun, we never spent even one unbroken year together. He always leaves, and I will remain, a pale ghost of what I was, waiting for next summer.

Whenever that may be.
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Mar. 5th, 2005 @ 09:56 pm TM week 2003-03-05
Current Mood: melancholy
If you could change one person's mind about something, who and what would it be?

It would be a simple matter of a disagreement about battle strategy. In one particular instance, Findekano and I could not agree. He wanted to hold my troops in reserve, and use them as reinforcements. I told him that it was suicide and by the time my troops reached him, he would have none left. Together, we are stronger. It has always been that way. Why don't you see it this time?

But he would not listen. We argued and we fought, and in the end he could not defeat my logic so he used his rank as king to over-rule me. First trumps third, as always.

So that night we parted in anger, with harsh words between us. He returned to his camp and I returned to mine. And we never saw one another again. For that was the night before the Nirnaeth Arnoediad, and five days later he was dead. I often wonder, if I had managed to change his mind about those battle tactics, would he have lived? Would we even have had victory that day, instead of being lost and scattered? These things I suppose I will never know.
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Feb. 27th, 2005 @ 02:44 pm TM week 2005-2-27
Current Mood: sad, but loved
What can you say is truly yours?

My brothers.

But I watched them die, one by one, all except for Macalaure. He and I have been together most of our lives, though he's always been a bitof a drifter, both physically and mentally. Now he drifts again, he has found a lover, and though I know that he's happy, his absence leaves an empty space in my heart.

And Findekano.

You, my love, are the one thing in my life that is truly mine. Even if everything else I have is taken from me, you will still be there, your fea and mine closely bound, so that even death may not separate us. It does not matter that we fight, that we spend long ages apart; no matter the distance between us, we are still one. Even if we wanted it to be otherwise, it could not be.

You are mine, my beloved, and I am eternally yours.
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Feb. 18th, 2005 @ 11:40 am TM week 2005-2-11
Have you ever regretted a wish you've made?

No.

Why do these questions seem to be getting harder to answer?

I regretted many things, but my wishes were never among them.
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Feb. 7th, 2005 @ 12:49 pm TM 2005-2-4: Love
Current Mood: nostalgic
What does Love mean to you?

( Kissing my Cousin is Love )
Word count: 685
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Jan. 29th, 2005 @ 07:21 pm TM 2005-1-29
Current Mood: contemplative
Describe what your "happily ever after" would be like.

Unfortunately the Book was not quite that kind of fairy tale. Instead of a happy-ever-after, I had a gruesome end, driven insane by the silmaril and burned to death in a fiery abyss. But as it happened, that was no the end of the story, and I am back again now, so I have another chance, and maybe this time I will get my happy ending.

It would involve Findekano being with me of course. And [info]elu_gwanun too; I always wanted to be a father, and never had the chance. There would be no orcs, no dark lords and no nasty jewellery or trinkets of any kind.
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Jan. 29th, 2005 @ 04:50 pm Back in New York
[locked to [info]ohhh_will and also [info]mark_kosik if he's around]

Russandol isn't quite sure what it was that got him thinking about Will. Maybe it was the pool-cue propped in the corner of his bedroom. He picks it up and smiles. Things have been dull around here lately, a game of pool and a beer are just what Russandol decides he needs to brighten his mood.

So it is early evening when he finds his way back to the pub that Will's father owns. Even though he'd been there before he still had to ask strangers four times before he finally found it again. He steps inside and looks around, but doesn't see any sign of Will, not even at the pool-table, so he goes to the bar and orders a pint, then asks one of the staff. "Is Will Locke around?"
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Jan. 23rd, 2005 @ 03:19 pm TM week 2005/1/22
Current Mood: depressed
What's the furthest away you've ever been from the place you were born/created? How did you get there? Why did you go? Did you return or even want to come back to where you came from?

Morgoth's lair, in Angband, where I was held captive. It may not be the greatest distance in paces from Valinor, but I can think of nowhere else that is furthest from it, in any other sense of the word. Why did I go? Sometimes I wonder the same thing myself. Perhaps it was pride, to think that I could possibly have any influence over Morgoth, that we could negotiate, I could make him see reason. Naievety too; had I truly understood Morgoth's nature at that time, I would have realised that any attempt to negotiate would be completely futile. But that I did not realise until it was too late.

I would not have returned, but for Findekano's valiant journey to rescue me. I would have died there, hanging on his mountain, the crows picking my bones. My beloved found me and brought me home, minus a hand. He saved my life, brought me back, sat with me through the long, painful process of healing. Sometimes though, I think I never truly left there. Findekano may have taken me away from Angband, but he did not take Angband away from me. It scarred me, in more ways than just the obvious.

Part of me (and I do not mean my right hand) is still there.
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Jan. 8th, 2005 @ 03:00 pm TM 2005/1
What would a description of your exact opposite be like?

Canafinwe.
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Jan. 6th, 2005 @ 12:07 pm TM week 12-31
Reflect on the past year in your muses life, canon or fanon. Did they have children? Did they find 'God', forsake God? Did they marry? Break up? What was this past year like in the life of your muse?

What a strange year it's been. I found myself in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people, but I am an adaptable sort and I settled in quickly. Found that my brother [info]canafinwe had followed me, which was a comfort. In April I found my Findekano again, after so long apart, and that was the most significant turning point for me. We fight sometimes, of course, and a couple of times during the year I almost feared that we might break up again, but a bond such as ours always proves stronger than that and really, I don't think either of us could break it if we tried.

I found [info]ambarussa again too, and was reminded that even though he's my youngest brother, he's often wiser and more mature than I am.

I made several new friends, some of them have stayed around and some, sadly, have not.

I got a tattoo.

I got to see the Silmarils one last time.

And I still owe [info]ohhh_will another game of pool.
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Jan. 6th, 2005 @ 11:55 am TM week 12-24
Do you believe in the possibility of a true friendship between a man and a woman?

Yes. In fact I fail to understand why gender should make any difference at all. It should make no difference to the choice of romantic partner either but that is another rant altogether. What a strange and pointless question.
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Dec. 20th, 2004 @ 10:27 am TM: 12-18
Write a drabble/ficlette based on the word: fun

Prince of Himring had been locked in his room with Prince of Hithlum for over twenty-four hours now, and the servants were starting to worry. To begin with there was laughter and excited chatter, and that followed by mostly silence but for the creaking of furniture and the occasional moan and murmur.

Breakfast was brought, then lunch, and these were left outside the door. They remained undisturbed, except for one moment when Prince of Hithlum opened the door to look at the tray of food. He smiled, reached for the bowl of berries and the cream, then disappeared back inside. More laughter ensued.

Prince of Himring asked for wine to be delivered, and it was, along with more food that still remained untouched. "Perhaps he is sickening?" the servants wondered amongst themselves. "Perhaps he is crazy?" they added later, when the sound of raised voices and breaking glass was heard emerging from the room.

It was the following dawn when the two finally emerged, looking dishevelled and exhausted, as though neither of them had slept. No words were spoken about what had occurred behind their locked door, but looks were exchanged between the Princes, and the servants gossiped amongst themselves.

No-one dared to ask Prince of Himring just how it was that he'd managed to get cream in his hair.

Words: 220. Ficlette, not Drabble. So there.
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Dec. 12th, 2004 @ 11:36 am TM week 12-10
What are your religious beliefs?

I don't have any, any more. I was raised to revere Eru Allfather, and the Valar, and though I still believe that they exist, I do not worship them or revere them at all. I grew up to realise that they lack either the power or the interest to intervene on our behalf. Not once in my life was any prayer of mine ever answered, and only once, when I was rescued from Thangorodrim, did any of the Valar ever do anything that actually assisted me. Even then, Manwe's aid was in answer to Findekano's prayer and not my own. The rest of the time they either ignored me, or actively made things worse with their interference.

Honestly, sometimes, they behave more like a bunch of spoiled children who want the best toys for themselves, and throw tantrums when the owner of the toys refuses to hand them over.

Lately though, I've met Varda and Manwe, and they've mellowed a lot, and at least we're able to have civil conversations with each other now. Actual two-way convertsations, instead of me doing all the talking and being ignored, as it always seemed to be before. I still don't want to worship them though.
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Dec. 5th, 2004 @ 01:30 pm TM week 12-3
What do you want for your birthday?

I do not even know for sure when my birthday is. I was born in Valinor during the Years of the Trees, in a time and place when there was no sun or moon to mark the passing seasons or years. There were only days; the waxing and waning of Telperion and Laurelin; how can one celebrate an annual event in a place that has no such thing as a "year"? Aside from that it seems a little silly for a race of people who are effectively immortal, to celebrate such a thing.

The ones who came after, who were born during the years of the Sun and Moon, began to celebrate their birthdays. Children were precious and I can easily se why one might want to celebrate and remember the birth of a child into the family.

When Elrond and Elros were small they were keen to celebrate their birthday, and so Macalaure and I turned that day once a year into a day that was special for them; where they might be granted what they wished for. It was always a happy sort of day; no matter how bad things were we set all thought of war aside and focus on the twins. Once they asked me when my birthday was, and they were sad that neither Macalaure nor I had birthdays, so they insisted that I chose one. I chose a day early in the month of Lotesse (around May by this Earth's calendar), because many of my happiest memories came from those years at Himring, when Findekano would arrive at that time of year for his almost annual visit.

Still, birthdays or not, I am quite familiar with the idea of gift-giving, and Findekano and I would exchange gifts often. Usually they were little trinkets of no great value; sometimes just ornamental things, but as the years passed by it was more common for us to exchange things that we really needed, and were no longer able to get so easily. Timber. Weapons. Food. (Never let it be said that the life of a Noldor Prince in Beleriand was one of wealth and priviledge).

If I were to receive a gift now, for my made-up birthday, I would want it to be something that Findekano had made himself or chosen especially for me. It would be something of little material value but of great personal or symbolic value; something to represent in some way what we are together. And something that I can take out and look at when he's not here, and it would remind me of how much we mean to each other.
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Nov. 28th, 2004 @ 10:48 am TM week 11-27
Current Mood: loved
What do you have to be thankful for?

Dear Findekano...

It has been a long time since I wrote you a letter like this, for no other reason than just to say thankyou. Often enough I tell you that I love you, but I realised that I don't often enough tell you just how grateful I am that you are here. It's been a little under eight months since we were reunited again, they have been quite a chaotic eight months but now that things are settling into some kind of routine it gives me time to sit back and realise just how lucky I am.
I am thankful that you are here, and that I can talk to you, hold you, and make love to you, as often as I do.

I am thankful for your comforting presence when I am upset, or disturbed by nightmares.

I am thankful that you saved me, all those ages ago, and for the knowledge that if it were necessary you would do so all over again, without a moment's hesitation.

I am thankful for the joy you bring me, just by the sparkle in your eye when you look at me.

I am thankful that you are there to beat some sense into my stubborn head when I am acting like an idiot.

I am thankful for this livejournal thing because every word you write reminds me that you love me, and it is quicker than delivering a letter by messenger between Hithlum and Himring.

I am thankful that we are not living together all the time, because this way we fight less.

I am thankful for the touch of your skin, and your kiss, and for all the hot sex.

I am thankful for every moment that we share together.
There is more, much more, of course. I could sit here and write all day, about all the ways you mean so much to me, and I would never be done. But in the end there's only one thing to say, and that is "I love you", and that says it all.

Thankyou, my Findekano, for everything.

eternally yours,
Maitimo
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Nov. 21st, 2004 @ 02:51 pm TM week 11-20
Current Mood: content
Who would you like to see get their final comeuppance? And just what would you like to do to them?

I have had many enemies in my life, and there was a time I could easily have given a long list of people, and detailed descriptions of what tortures I'd enjoy inflicting on them.

There's Morgoth of course, but he got his final comeuppance already, and so that chapter is long finished. It's an odd feeling, knowing that someone who's been your lifelong enemy isn't around any more, though if he were to return I am sure that nothing would be changed from last time.

And though it pains me to say it, the only other person I can think of, that I would have liked to see get their come-uppance, is one of my brothers; Tyelkormo (Celegorm). He and I had a continuous hate-hate relationship, mainly resulting from my action of giving up our father's crown to our uncle. He committed atrocities at Doriath for which I would have happily slit his throat, but by the time I heard about them I was too late, he was dead already. But Tyelkormo is not here either, and I am content with that.

I have no enemies here, now. So my answer to this question is, at present, nobody.
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Nov. 14th, 2004 @ 01:49 pm TM week 11-12
Describe the best 24 hours you ever had

Any 24 hours which I spend in the company of my beloved would easily count as the best, but there is one that sticks in my mind, and it might surprise you.

It was the first day... the first day I was fully conscious... after I came down from Thangorodrim. I was weak and broken, laid in my bed, in more pain than I believed possible. The sight of my right arm ending in a bloodied stump sickened and horrified me. And yet, he was there. He, who I had believed that I would never see again. He, who I thought forever left behind on the shores of Valinor. He, who in my madness I'd imagined sung to me and saved me from the mountain.

That was the day I first realised that by some miracle my Findekano was returned to me, and my torment was over.
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Nov. 6th, 2004 @ 11:52 am TM week 11-5
What is the biggest lie you ever told? What were the consequences?

I'd known the whole thing was somehow wrong, right from the start, though I couldn't quite explain how. We were standing up against the ultimate evil, right? Morgoth had taken what did not belong to him, had threatened the very stability of Arda, and needed to be stopped.

And yet blood was shed from the very beginning, when we stole the ships from the Teleri, and then burned them so that Nolofinwe's host could not follow. I had refused any part in the burning of the ships, for I believed that it would keep Findekano from me for ever. After there was nothing left but charred remains, my father approached me and took me aside.

"I do not expect any further defiance from my eldest son," he said to me coldly. "Either you are on my side, or you are on his," (meaning Morgoth).

Shortly after, my father met his death and I had to face the most important decision of my life. As the eldest son, the fate of our people was in my hands. I told them that I believed in my father's oath, that I truly desired to follow it through, and I would not rest until it was fulfilled and the Silmarils were back in our posession. I told my brothers and my people that I would lead them to glory and victory.

The alternatives were too terrible to consider. The Curse was upon us, that should we fail we would be consigned to everlasting darkness. I saw a glimpse of that darkness on Thangorodrim and it terrified me. So I told the lie, that I would lead my people to glory and victory, and I told it to myself over and over, until I finally convinced myself that it was true, and I really believed that I was doing the right thing.

The consequences - well, you can read about those in the Book. Almost six hundred years of war, bloodshed, and defeat. The only thing I led my brothers and my people to was their deaths. Ultimately even the geography of Arda itself as changed by the wars we fought. Consequences don't get much more far-reaching than that.
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